You Deserve Happiness
I don’t know you yet, but I do know that you’re not alone, and you’re on this page to find some answers. I have talked and worked with hundreds of women in your shoes. Do not feel guilt, shame, or fear as you decide on whether you need to end your marriage or relationship. It’s normal to experience a myriad of emotions, which all are normal.
Let’s sift through them together – Perhaps you…
- Feel like a failure: You’ve invested years of your life for a relationship that isn’t working. If you have children, you feel like you are potentially failing them as well, and sometimes the pain is so unbearable, you cry yourself to sleep.
- Worry about money: If your husband/partner has been the bread winner all these years, how could you afford to live on your own? Especially if you don’t have a job, how can you financially live without him?
- Will screw up your kids: All these years you have suffered alone, leaving the kids to think you are happy and content. But if you tell them the truth, the pain you’ve been damming will now fall onto them. And what mother wants to hurt their child? No, you think, you can’t allow them to bear how you currently feel, so you do nothing.
- Feel guilty because he loves you, yet you don’t love him: He is a great man and a good father. He hasn’t cheated on you and he works hard to support the family. So you try… you try so very hard to love him the way he loves you. Even a few martinis aren’t working the way they used to. You can’t bear to be intimate, yet you blame yourself.
- Wonder that if you do break-up, you will be alone forever: As you fantasize about your life without him, your self-doubt and fear of being alone takes over. You may say to yourself, “He’s not that bad,” or “At least he loves me, even if it’s not all the time.” Or maybe, “I don’t even know how to be alone. I might even fail at that, too.”
- Or, you wonder that if you don’t break-up, your misery will only get worse: When you ask yourself where you might be in 10 years, it scares you that you will be exactly in the same place: in a loveless, unhappy relationship that only brings you loneliness and sorrow. You may continue to deny your reality, only until you watch a romantic movie or spot a loving couple in a restaurant, making you realize what you don’t have in your life.
- Are ready to get divorced, but don’t know how: You have made up on your mind. You are done. But where do you start? How do you sever years of assets and things that have collected in your home? How do you tell him? How do you tell your kids? How do you find a lawyer? You’ve been looking for that divorce handbook, only to find nothing.
- Are starting to love someone else: Perhaps it started off as an innocent “hello” with that man in the coffee shop, but now you are texting him, sharing your deepest desires. Whether you are fantasizing about intimacy with him or if you are already in an intense love affair, you are hoping this new lover will take away all of your pain. He will make it better, and because of him, it will be a lot easier to end your current relationship. If only he leaves his wife, however, which he promises will happen soon.
One thing is for certain. You deserve to be happy.
But here’s a secret…
You must want to be happy. You must choose it. You must know in your heart that life is too short.
But finding happiness isn’t always easy. It takes work. It requires you to un-do your current belief system of “I can’t” and “I shouldn’t” to “I will” and “I’m going to.”
Something happened in your youth that told you that you must settle. You may have lived a fearful childhood rather than a hopeful one. At some point when you met your mate, you went into the relationship for the wrong reason. Perhaps no one told you that you can and should have everything you want.