MAGIC Words: How to Get What you Want from a Narcissist  GET THE BOOK

I recently saw a news story about how a man was trapped in his car while it was on fire alongside a highway. His car was turned on its side and two good Samaritans pulled over to help the trapped man. Just two men were able to lift the car up and pull the man from safety. One of the good Samaritans was interviewed on TV, and was asked how he had the strength to lift an entire vehicle off the ground.

He said, “I was so terrified that the man was going to burn to death, I just did it. Oddly enough, the car wasn’t even heavy – I just willed it to happen!”

It is amazing how when a human being focuses on something so intently, he can lift a car with almost zero pain or effort. When we focus on what we want, powerful things can happen.

In this story, the man never worried about the “what if.” He never thought, what if I die, what if I get hurt, what if I can’t do it. He only thought about the positive outcome, and so it happened – he saved a man’s life.

My dear soul, you have the exact power to do the same with your life. Perhaps things haven’t gone your way. And perhaps nothing has been favored to you in a very long time. But what has been hasn’t nothing to do with what WILL be. All you have to do is simply shift your focus.

I’m going to list a sundry of negative things that may be happening in your life – these are based on what I hear, every day, from my clients and those who write me. See if this is you:

My ex won’t pay child support
My ex is constantly badgering me with one issue or another – will he ever go away?
I’m dating nothing but losers. No matter what I do, the date never works out.
My soon to be ex is constantly depressed or angry – I can’t avoid the negativity!
I’m exhausted – I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t even look like me!
I have this new business idea, but it’s just not working out – no matter how hard I try, I find some kind of obstacle – maybe I’m not cut out for this stuff.
My ex won’t _____ (fill in the blank of the constant crap your ex doesn’t do).

Yes, those exes of ours really can be pains in the butt! Or yes, life certainly is more of a challenge than you ever thought it could be. But YES – the more you focus on what HAS BEEN, the more negative crap you’re going to experience. The more you tell yourself the same negative story, the more that story continues.

I can hear you now: “But Lindsey, he/she REALLY is a demon in my life. All they do is try to destroy me, daily!”

And I say to you: “Yes, the more you focus on that, you give that person the actual ability to destroy you, and so it will happen.”
Stop focusing on what HAS been. What do you want? Like the good Samaritan did with the car, what do you WILL to happen for you? If you truly want something that badly, and are 100% clear with your objective, you will lift some powerful things out of your life and welcome new things in it.

Now I hear you say, “Okay, Lindsey, I’ve been wanting my ex to pay child support, but I can’t control his actions – so how can I make this happen?”

Because your ex is your ex, you likely hold significant negative emotions around that person. So just thinking about your ex is already a negative thought, so of course, getting child support is a constant negative experience, even though you think it isn’t.

So how can you think about getting child support differently? Well, let’s say child support is $1,200. Rather than having the thought (every single month), “he owes me,” try thinking about WHY this money is beneficial to you. What positive things come from getting this money?

If it helps pay for groceries, then think of all the beautiful food you will prepare for your children.

If it helps pay for braces, then visualize your child’s beautiful smile when she is finished with her treatment.

If it helps pay your mortgage, then visualize the fun and laughter you will have in your home for months to come.

If the $1,200 is incredibly important to you, think about that money coming to you, effortlessly, and not WHO is giving it to you, or HOW you will get it. Think about what WILL be, once you have that money.

Do you see how pivoting your focus on the positive outcomes of the thing that you want, suddenly removes the negative feeling? When you do this, who knows, you may just get $1,200 elsewhere – perhaps a bonus, or from a new client!

No matter where you are in your divorce journey – whether an important court case is coming up, or you’re looking to meet someone new – focus on the WHY you want the outcome and not the negative experience it may bring to you.

Now let’s go lift some cars together, and WILL it to happen!

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