Since I’ve returned to coaching after my one-year hiatus, I’ve had 32 phone calls with women in just the past few weeks, from women all over the world. These women are either struggling to exit an unhealthy relationship, or they just left it, but are still dealing with their ex’s manipulative behavior. Each woman has a different story, but all of them share one consistent theme: they are over tolerating. They tolerate physical abuse, verbal abuse, alcoholism, gambling, porn addiction, or just fill in the blank, and they are tolerating that too. This is an epidemic facing women, and we are seeing it unfold in Hollywood, in Congress, in the workplace, and it’s been going on behind our white picket fences as well.
We need to speak up – for ourselves and for each other. Sexual assault and relationship abuse will only continue if we keep quiet. Each of us play a role in maintaining zero tolerance. Take a listen to this video, and comment below – how are you going to speak up, either in your relationship, or for someone you know?
If you find this issue just as important as I do, please share this page on your social media page, with friends, via email and use the hashtag #SpeakUp – let’s start breaking down the walls of silence!
I went through this kind of behavior from several women where I worked. They would grab me pinch my private areas setup privite meeting and then get angry and retaliate if I didn’t submit to there wants. Threaten to tell lies and much more if didn’t cooperate. Then married to a sociopathic who was the worst. She would through tantrums her children had seen this pattern before and walk away.
Thank You Lindsey. It’s been a struggle for me and a lot of women I know. It is uncomfortable to speak up, and a tough habit to instill, but vital to living in our truth. I believe that if as women we change the culture to adopt self-respect as a whole community, we bring about change for men as well. We collectively break the cycle of abuse. Hurt people, hurt people and this approach tackles where the hurt begins. It’s a win win outcome for healthier boundaries and great relationships with ourselves and others. So Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Always love your blogs!
I freed myself from an abusive narcissistic husband of 23 years. It’s been 3 years and all the fears you spoke about with others judging came true. They haven’t walked in our shoes so they’ll never get it. However, I’ve learned not to take it personally. They are entitled to their opinion and it’s only emotional poison if I accept it. A narcissist will prove another side of their story but we know the truth! I’ve educated myself with every book on narcissism and I found a great counselor to help keep me moving forward.
What most people don’t get is the abuse cycle isn’t only with them. If we don’t stop it our children will adopt these behaviors of tolerance. I recently wittiness an abusive situation with my daughters boyfriends mom and dad. For what ever Fire I walked in to be there at that moment was worth it. I got to see the impact my marriage had on my daughter and reliving a moment of what we went through. She/we were both strong though saddened someone else was going through it. We helped, supported and got the mom a safe place to live but she went back after a month to her abusive husband. She lives two hours by plane from me and with a language barrier didn’t get the proper support/help she needs. However!!!!!
Seeing my daughter offer support and had 0 tolerance towards behavior like that made me proud that I broke the cycle and raised a strong woman!!!I wish I was like her at 21. Remember people if you don’t feel you can break free for yourself think of the impact you’ll have on generations to come! Stop these bullies and support one another to end this cycle of abuse!!! Our future generations are depending on our actions to rise above and show by example!
Well said Lindsey.
If people are brave and face the facts and review their relationship in terms positives and negatives then they would choose to leave and be on their own.
Fear stops them leaving and also a sense of belief that they are part of the cause for this abuse .
As a result they are scared to talk with family or close friends and then just carry on and accept the abuse believing this behaviour is normal.
I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years verbal and physical and I tolerated it believing I was part of the problem, which was true as I quietly accepted unacceptable behaviour only because I knew if we discussed it our situation would deteriorate, so I dismissed it, hoping I could over time help her change.
I realise now she had Mental Health problems she refused to accept and therefore would never change, I could only change my reaction to her abuse, by dismissing the abuse to smooth the situation.
I tried to do this continually making excuses and apologising to my children and friends for her toxic behaviour but this over time forced them away.
I then was forced to choose them or loose them.
I am rebuilding my life again and still receiving the control and abuse as I share a child with my ex partner but I am trying not to listen to her words and comments which is hard, as well as the guilt I feel in being an absent parent to my son.
On reflection my tolerance of abuse was wrong and by ignoring it you accept it.
Be strong and stand up to inappropriate behaviour as soon as you accept it your asking for more. Raise concerns and discuss it as soon as it happens don’t delay as this leads to continued and further abuse.
This can come from either partner whether male or female.
The hardest part is making the person with Mental health issues understand and seek the much needed help. They can’t see their issues and simply deflect their issues and blame others for the problems they face.
We need a better way of dealing with Mental Health where individuals are in total denial of their issues.
The Mental health system expects people with issues to walk and talk to someone about their unacceptable behaviour that they themselves don’t really understand or have the emotional intelligence to understand. As a result in many cases it never happens and we the tolerators try to over compensate to make life better at a massive detrimental cost to our wellbeing which is sadly never going to work.
I am in a relationship like this now, and just continue to stay and its turned me into a completely different person. It has put me in a never ending manic bi polar state, and I’m always losing it over the smallest things and start eventually start getting very crazy and unpredictable. I dont like being like this, but I dont know how to get out of this relationship.