I knew I should have paid attention when my new boyfriend showed me a text from his former girlfriend. He and I were out to dinner and his phone was blowing up with text messages from her. He ignored them at first, but then he read her messages and began shaking his head in disbelief.
“What is she saying to you?” I asked him.
“Ugh… she’s crazy. Here, you can read them for yourself,” he said.
He handed me his phone and I read them, one by one, and they were brutally harsh. At first I was happy to see how transparent he was about her texts, proving to me that he had nothing to hide. But what she wrote made me feel so uncomfortable. I felt tingling up and down my spine, and even a little nauseous. Because deep down, I worried that what she was saying was actually the truth.
“You are SUCH an asshole. I can’t believe how you can so easily go from me to her in just a matter of days. Does she know the truth about you? Just a few weeks ago you were sleeping with me, telling me that you loved me, and now you have found someone else, just like that, with absolutely no conscience! I feel sorry for her… because you will end up discarding her, just like you did me. I should get her number and tell her the truth!”
I felt a little panic rise within, and wondered if he was really who he said he was. I so badly wanted to believe him – he was everything I dreamed of in a man. I asked him a few probing questions about her, and he assured me that she was emotionally imbalanced and taking a lot of medication. “She’s probably having another episode,” he said. “I just ignore her.”
Fast forward to 8 months later, where my relationship ended with him. He nonchalantly admitted to cheating on me after I found his Match.com profile active in another state. Not only was he cheating, he was already in another relationship. So, you can imagine, those texts from his former girlfriend haunted me. Ironically, I sent a similar rant of texts to him, which went unanswered – probably because he was on a date with his new girlfriend.
I reported him to Match.com, warning them that he was a pathological liar and a player. He even had pictures of him and I together on a trip on his dating profile, and because he did not have my permission, the dating site took him down.
But they had no control over whether he could easily start a new profile under a different user name, which he did, of course.
If only I had access to all the women he dated, where we could share our experiences and warn others of his harmful behavior. Unfortunately, online dating offers a secure environment for narcissists, married men, cheaters and scam artists who go from state to state, luring in women, without them ever knowing who they really are. If only I could have warned others – but the technology never existed for me to do so.
I am totally psyched to tell you about a website that allows women to safely and anonymously share their dating experiences. It’s called Undolus.com, and it allows you to do two amazing things: Investigate your date and rate your date.
This site has partnered with an esteemed background checking company to offer you important details about your date including his name and address, date of birth, criminal record, as well as property and business ownership information. It will also tell you if he has filed for bankruptcy or if he’s been evicted, as well as other pertinent information you won’t be able to find with a Google search. Imagine how much time and potential heartbreak that would save you!
You can also rate your date, which means if you’ve dated him and he lacks important relationship attributes or gave you some serious red flags, you can share it anonymously within the site’s membership platform. Just imagine – you get to warn others that he isn’t as special as he appears to be! Or perhaps he was actually a nice guy, except you two didn’t click and you want others to know that he is datable and safe – you could even give him a good rating!
So this means when YOU go on a date and want to see if this guy has been rated, you can see how he checks out on Undolus.com. Keep in mind, the site is still new so if you don’t see your guy featured on the site, it doesn’t mean he is a keeper. Still be cautious. But if it doesn’t work out, make sure you post your feedback to let other women know about his dating potential.
This site was developed by two women who, after their divorces, struggled to find a datable man without the hassle and major time investment (one is now re-married). So, they built an online platform where women can investigate and rate their dates, safely and appropriately (meaning, they aren’t allowed to bash or slander a person). Is this not genius? If only this existed when I was dating.
As always, be safe out there when dating. When you see a red flag, trust it. Communicate your concerns to your date, and if you don’t get the answer you wanted, then you may want to move on. Share your experiences with others, especially if the guy is a bad egg – it’s up to them to listen, but I do feel that women need to stand together and help each other – even if they’re strangers.
And my goodness, do a background check on this guy – go to Undolus.com and get started. I just recently interviewed one of the founders for my podcast – be sure to listen below. Join me in congratulating the founders on creating such an important tool for women – I can’t thank them enough!