If you’ve been cheated on, then you know how crippling it can be to your self-esteem. It can send a crumbling ripple effect to your ego, making you feel worthless for many months, if not years.
You play the blame game, and you play it well. You’re the victim, and you give your cheater immense power over you. You may look for answers but you may never get them. And because you don’t have a real answer as to why he cheated, all you can do is blame.
“If only I had complimented him more,” you think.
“If only I had more reasonable.”
“If only I was prettier… thinner… funnier.”
But let me tell you a secret: every time you say, “If only…,” you are cheating on yourself.
And when you cheat on yourself, it’s the ultimate betrayal. It means you don’t value who you are. You don’t respect your boundaries. You think you’re aren’t good enough.
So if YOU feel that way about yourself, why is he not allowed to think the same?
Why does he get all the blame, and you take none of it?
Of course, the cheater is initially responsible. But once it’s done and you find out, how you react to it is entirely up to you. If you can’t raise your head high, and know that what he did has nothing to do with you, then you are cheating on yourself.
Because it’s not okay for someone to abuse your trust.
It’s not okay for someone to give you less than 100% love and safety.
It’s not okay for someone to lower the bar in the relationship and pretend it’s otherwise.
The minute you think that it is okay, then you are cheating on yourself.
When you stop cheating on yourself, it means that you know you are worth someone’s time and emotional investment. It means you open to receiving greatness, and willing to give it someone else. But if you continue to cheat, then you will be forever stuck in sorrow.
Even if your spouse or partner doesn’t physically/sexually cheat on you, but he treats you poorly with emotional abuse, as long as you put up with it, you’re cheating on yourself.
So essentially, it doesn’t matter what is done to you by someone else. All that matters is how you honor yourself, and uphold your integrity with the highest level of respect.
Remember this when you feel the urge to text him looking for answers, or when your feelings were hurt and didn’t communicate them. Remember this if he blows you off for several hours, but then apologizes and you let him back in (when you know it doesn’t feel right). If you don’t trust your instincts but expect someone else to provide that trust for you, you will continue to cheat and be let down.
In my coaching practice, I always tell my clients to strengthen the voice within that says, “That’s not okay.” You truly know when it’s not okay – but be sure to say it. And if someone walks away from you after you say, “It’s not okay,” then let him go. He ain’t worth it.
You have this remarkable freedom to get what you desire, but only if you stay true to your word. As Miguel Ruiz says in his book, The Four Agreements:
“Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of your energy; it means to use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself… It is through the word that you manifest everything… Self-rejection is the biggest sin you can commit.”
But you know this already… you just needed a little reminder.
Real relationship aren’t perfect and perfect relationships, aren’t real. Often know that we have done something wrong. And how to do that wrong into a right. Making up also requires a skills. Make your relationship strong. Make sure if you do something flirt or cheat me I won’t forgive and won’t talk to you and don’t come saying sorry.Love is about sharing, understanding each other and trust each other. It is not about madness or just being over possessive. Make decision that feels right for both of you. Relationship is all about give and take.
People cheating in relationship just because they find someone more beautiful girl or handsome guy. Or Find someone more financial strong Or Lack of physical intimacy in relationship this will be the main important reasons people cheat in relationship.
I don’t like the fact that you assume the cheater is “HE” as you write on this blog…. I was devastated when I found out the mother of my only daughter had been cheating on me for about a year and a half… Not to mention, with my daughter ‘s volleyball coach!!! It flipped my entire life upside down!!! I was soo hurt and devastated that I just walked away from my entire life….
Ricardo- when I first started my business I wrote only for women and women’s magazines. Many of my blogs you see are older when I wrote only to women. Of course women cheat! This was not meant to discriminate. And I’m sorry that happened to you!
ricardo – i hope you didn’t walk away from your daughter. it’s so important to break the cycle.